as tom cruise once said, i have lost my ability to bullshit-- the sweet, nice, loves-everyone-all-the time-super-eager-to-please erica has disappeared. she has been replaced by a tired, world-weary, so-this-is-what-life-is-like-after-college one.
and she's okay with that.
some days, however, i am downright miserable. i eat my lunch in the office almost everyday, rarely take a lunch break to get the extra 10 bucks for the hour, understand that i will not be getting a new car any time soon, and fawn over new clothing items that i will never buy or add to my wardrobe unless my mom pities me, and listen to the endless office quibble and watch my inbox grow with yet more emails.
but i also understand that i am not to be pitied.
that while my job, as frustrating, unorganized, lacking in communication bullshit that it is, is mine. it is experience. many people would kill for this job. kill to not have to walk to their job in the rain because they can't afford a car at all. that there are starving children in somalia. that i am not suffering from a great depression, a great war (though i see the effects of a tragic, no-end-in sight one)... my great depression is my mediocre life.
i get through my days ala the glass menagerie way, settling the day with a movie, enjoying music, or escaping into a book-- as i am sure most folks do. (if they are lucky.)

still. i have hopes. i have dreams. and someone very nice once told me that we must live with dreams and aspirations or we will not be living at all. and i sincerely agree with him.

wanna live in a challenging city. come home to a particular boy at night. feel like my job has meaning.

here i go, chasing the american dream.